• I spend 50 hours a week at my job— I’m not giving up a Saturday night too. (51%)
• I’ll have to watch my coworkers eat. Pass. (29%)
• Long, boring lecture about company results from the big shots. (24%)
• I don’t really want to see what awful food $4.78-a-head in catering will get. I’d rather buy my own dinner and not get food poisoning. (21%)
• I don’t want the stupid “gift” they’ll give us. (20%)
• They are making everyone chip in. I haven’t had a raise since 2008, so I’m not giving anything back. (20%)
• I’m not spending 4 hours driving to and from just to have 3 drinks on the company dime. (18%)
• My friend is having a party the same night, and I’d rather spend the time with him. (17%)
• I can wait until I’m back in the office to have them tell me they won’t contribute to our 401K (again) in 2012. (16%)
• People always get too drunk and out of control. (15%)
• It takes time away from plotting the death of the boss. (12%)
• My reasons for hating the party will become clear after my arrest. It’s all in my manifesto. (10%)
• If I go, then I have to bring a gift. None of my coworkers deserves a gift; they all deserve coal. (9%)
• The silverware I stole from last year’s party was only worth $17.42 at the pawn shop.  (2%) 

Best write-ins:

• Pretending to like my coworkers is exhausting.
• I can’t bear to watch the sales guy’s “sexy dance” again.
• Corporate party is code for “brown-nosing contest”.
• No booze at our company party. Would be amusing to see some alcohol-fueled career suicide, but our party will lack even that amusement.
• We have to participate in stupid games.
• Forced team-building exercises. Ugh!
• The owner always wears the most awful checkered jacket, bow-tie and his wife dresses like Priscilla Queen of the Bowling Alley.