September 2011
76 posts
“3 1/2 continuous hours of meetings are the house arrest of the workplace.”
– @FlyoverJoel
1 tag
“If my coworker did a PowerPoint about how to give women orgasms— COMPLETE...”
My friend Peter Shankman is having a bad day but... →
I’ll just sneak it in the boss’s mail…
My coworker is so pedantic. Or didactic. Which one means they never stop explaining things you already know until you want to punch them?
2 tags
“No, sorry, you lost all credibility when you insisted we send you a fax.”
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“Listen, jerk, you CHOSE to have a handlebar mustache, so you don’t get to...”
– And for the record, I didn’t actually call him Snidely Whiplash. When he walked into the meeting and said, “Sorry, I’m late,” then I said, “Did the damsel you tied to the railroad tracks give you trouble?”
For reference:
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“Some might debate whether waterboarding is torture, but we can all agree leaving...”
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House of PowerPoint
flyoverjoel:
House of Pain PowerPoint
Power it up, Point it in. Let me begin. I came to bore. PowerPoint that’s a sin. I won’t share the slide deck. Punk you’d better respect. Try and read the slides and the whole team will reject.
4 tags
“The boss insists we maintain “positive attitude” at all times....”
Halloween in the office-- what do you hate?
I’m working on a post about all the things that are wrong about trying to have a Halloween party in the office. What do you hate about it? What have you seen go horribly wrong?
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“If you’re waiting for me to apologize for being rude when you lied to my...”
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“Nice PowerPoint, boss, but next time maybe you could decide what it’s...”
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“If I’m stuck eating at my desk, I don’t think a jury will convict me...”
– (inspired by a post from @justirish)
“Your over-use of animated emoticons in your IM doesn’t make your...”
– @_ykv
3 tags
“No, boss, having my back doesn’t mean hiding behind me when things get...”
“Saying “I hate to call you on vacation, but…” doesn’t...”
– @MeetingBoy
@GaryWCooper replied with this, which I sounded way too familiar not to share: ”Sorry to call, Reginald is out to lunch, we really need this info.” Whew, glad you didn’t bother Reginald while AT LUNCH!!!
“Client’s office has a wifi labeled “[company name] Guest”, but...”
“Of course the boss doesn’t remember you warning him about this exact...”
1 tag
“The ‘high priority’ Outlook notification loses a bit of its meaning...”
– @AmaniNaUpendo
“Intern is a psychology major and diagnosed the boss as a narcissist. If...”
2 tags
“I didn’t call you a moron—I merely pointed out that maybe you...”
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“Group editing a PowerPoint at 6PM. This sums up everything I hate about my job.”
7 tags
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“Just noticed new Facebook allows you to edit your statuses. So no more excuses...”
“Keep your friends close and your bosses closer.”
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“My boss is so good at self-serving lies that he could probably find a way to...”
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“Business etiquette dictates that any time you start a sentence “I...”
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Female coworker resigned today, so the boss made a point of stopping by to say:
“Oh boo hoo, I heard the news, wah wah wah. So what, are you leaving so you can go make some babies?”
He thought it was hilarious. I’m no psychic, but I’m pretty sure she won’t be the last woman here to leave for a new job.
I wonder what he’ll think if someone says this to...
3 tags
“We were told this morning that one of the VPs was “hospitalized for...”
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“An hour-long meeting that doesn’t start until 4:30?! Oh, right, because we...”
“Just sat through an hour discussing which room we should have weekly status in,...”
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“In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day the account director hijacked...”
“I’m not sure which is more annoying— that he pronounced it...”
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“Who told my annoying coworkers about International Talk Like a Pirate Day?...”
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“I love cellphones because now I overhear one side of every boring work call in...”
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“Troy Aikman keeps mentioning “running back by committee”. Not sure...”
What companies don't understand about... →
Rex Huppke wrote about how employers are discriminating against people who are unemployed. Is it a bad idea? I think so. Here’s what I sent Rex that they haven’t considered:
I’d like to point out that by taking the unemployed out of the job pool, these companies are driving up the cost (salary) they’ll have to pay:
If there’s 100 employed art directors at ad...
“Leaving at 5:15 is tricky because if the boss spots you, it could be an hour of...”
“Is anything less believable than a micromanager in trouble trying to shift the...”
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“If we made managers get a tattoo of every buzzword, maybe in a few years...”
“Before you send me another email, try reading the one I sent you. You know, the...”
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“Sleeping pills? Who needs those? We’ve got PowerPoint.”
“Nothing beats a colleague accusing me of “not being a team player”...”
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“I always thought supervillains were unrealistic, with the boasting and pointless...”
Hostile work environment: Fish edition
rachelfabulous:
Someone cooked fish in the office today.
I know, I know, you’re shocked. Me too.
I can’t work in these conditions anymore. It’s a Hostile work environment - because I’m becoming hostile.
If I can sue for hostile work environment because the people around me are such inconsiderate assholes that it makes me hostile, then I really need to get a lawyer.
1 tag
“Type A” is just the clinical term for “asshole”.”
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“When composing a work email, if you can’t decide whether to use 1...”
What's a diplomatic way to say "I'm quitting...
@NatalieAndrew: How do you say 'no I don't want to come back to work for you, you are a horrible employer and a terrible person' diplomatically?
@MeetingBoy: I believe that "leaving for better opportunities" is the diplomatic way of saying "I HATE YOU ALL".
“Serena Williams is in trouble for her US Open rant, but if she worked here,...”
2 tags
“Boss spent an hour telling us how Tony Romo just needs a better coach. I wonder...”