July 2011
88 posts
“If simple tasks baffle you this much, we should budget for a Personal
Ass...”
OK, here it comes-- the boss is going to tell us...
And as he throws around his mixture of buzzwords, macho posturing, and empty promises of how he can put people in their place, it’s starting to remind me of that time Trump talked about how he knew how to talk tough to OPEC and that they’d lower the price of oil because he said so. And it’s just as laughable as when Trump did it, because for all his talk, other managers in the...
“Look how tan all the senior managers are after their all-day, off-site meeting!”
“Sure, the debt ceiling bill is a mess, but I’ve seen worse ideas get even...”
2 tags
OK, now I've become obsessed with thinking up...
So far I’ve got
Notorious B.O.R.E.
Sucker V.P.
MC Status
Old Jargonface
Ice Fool
DJ Late
MC Vapid
But I need help on this one. I’m no expert on rap.
UPDATE: Some suggestions from people so far, including my favorites in bold:
Synergizzle (jamarcucci)
Sir copies alot (@HaTheYes )
Busta Meetin’ (@HaTheYes )
Lil’ boss man (@HaTheYes )
MC Buzzwords, with the...
Haven’t heard from the boss all day. Still holding out hope he’s been murdered.
“The boss believes productivity increases when he hovers and barks. The results...”
The boss is headed to an offsite meeting with the rest of senior management. I’m hoping he gets whacked like Joe Pesci’s character in Goodfellas, but it’s probably just to pick a new buzzword or pat each other on the back for 6 hours.
“Boss saw #rappernames trending on Twitter and said his would be “M...”
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step. A failed project...”
How to be a better boss by @RexHuppke →
In this week’s column Rex discusses Rupert Murdoch’s responses to Parliament, and how they are “some textbook evil-boss moves”. He then goes on to talk to some experts about what makes a good boss, or at least less-hated. One point in particular stood out— being consistent.
When he got here, my boss strutted around and talked a big game about how things would be...
Someone did a study about how much Mondays suck.... →
The study found that most people don’t smile until at least 11:16AM. Frankly I find that hard to believe. The first workweek smile in my office* usually doesn’t come until Friday at 3:30.
*not including that smug smile the boss wears after he thinks everyone is impressed by his latest self-serving lie.
“I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who still used GroupWise.”
“You know how I know the Matrix isn’t real? Because the Matrix would not...”
“The way they keep meeting every day about the debt ceiling but nothing ever gets...”
“I hate it when guys pee on the toilet seat in the office bathroom. Don’t...”
“No, boss, someone is not “rude and insubordinate” for pointing out...”
“It’s expected to be 98 in NYC tomorrow, but the good news is I won’t have to...”
– CORRECTION: I won’t have to hear any of my coworkers whine about it being 98 on Saturday UNTIL MONDAY. I’m sure they’ll fill me in.
“It’s expected to be 98 in NYC tomorrow, but the good news is I won’t...”
“There’s nothing more fun than calling your vendor and hearing his...”
This whole Google Plus nonsense is really...
Yesterday Google kicked off all businesses, anonymous people, and groups. This included me, Mashable, Ford, and others. At least they got everyone. Mashable found a way around it, as did others, by using real names of staffers to push out their Mashable content.
But that solution is not open to me because MeetingBoy is not a business; it’s an online personality. It is controlled by one...
“It’s supposed to be 100 in NYC today, which means an extra hour of...”
"Too much time is wasted on social media."
Maybe, but that’s nothing compared to the time wasted discussing the temperature in July.
“Oh my God! It’s 96 degrees. In July. We should just cancel everything and...”
– All the simpletons in the office.
OK, I may be paraphrasing a little.
Google confirms “real” names a requirement for... →
I’m a little concerned by this requirement from Google. I think I can argue that MeetingBoy meets the requirements for commonly used, with all my followers and the two years online using it. But still I worry about one day having them pull it out from under me. What do you think?
Also if you’re on Plus, I’m on there too at http://gplus.to/meetingboy
UPDATE 7/21/2011: Google...
I'm thinking about having some MeetingBoy product... →
What should it be? Enter your suggestions on Plan Your Meetings’ Facebook page, as they’ve agreed to help me produce this.
Company Softball Tonight
Boss wants everyone to sign up for company softball tonight. Free beer, he says. Let’s do the math:
beer + bats + asshole boss = murder + prison
I think I’ll pass.
Last week my friend Rex Huppke discussed workplace bathroom etiquette in his weekly column, though mostly from a decidedly male perspective (”Stop behaving like monsters”). I’ve heard from a few women saying that inconsiderate behavior is not exclusive to the men’s bathroom, and since this is out of my area of expertise, I’ve let my friend @TILTE_Nonsense rant in my place.
Ladies, Listen Up!
by...
“The 7-day forecast for NYC is highs in the 90s with intermittent whining about...”
“I reserve the right to ignore all requests and suggestions from anyone who wears...”
– @raiselm
“Yes, it’s hot. And technically there’s no dress code. But this is a...”
Is it OK to demote someone in an all-company... →
@RexHuppke sent me this question for my “expert” opinion on office workplace gripes:
Q: During a PowerPoint presentation, a slide came up with the name of a new hire and his title and responsibilities. There was already a well-liked, hard-working person in that position and he was on the call. That is how he found out he was demoted. Was that totally inappropriate?
Here was my full...
“The humidity is high today, but the stupidity is even higher: The boss just...”
“Someone in the office pissed blue liquid and didn’t flush. OH, GOD! ALIENS...”
How Business Books Make Money
I created a new presentation about How Business Books Make Money. Tell me if this sounds familiar:
How Business Books Make Money View more presentations from Meeting Boy
“I generally try to make it into the office by the crack of lunch.”
– @NotSoDelicate
“So you want us to work the weekend to make a change that will make it suck 1%...”
Do I really have no messages from the boss this...
Or has some Murdoch reporter hacked my voicemail?
“The shredder at work sounds like a can opener. I keep expecting cats to come in.”
– Ross Rants
1 tag
anymousse asked: Co-workers complain about the new speed bumps in the parking garage when they still speed and whine that the bumps hurt their car? Off with their heads!
Contributing to #officebastilleday
Contributing to #officebastilleday
1 tag
altereds asked: Co-workers who eat your food from the fridge because theirs is too old and moldy. Off with their heads!
1 tag
“Co-workers that call me at 7 at night because it’s only 4 where they...”
– @Tymethief, as part of #officebastilleday
1 tag
dfwpackfan asked: A boss that will text you while on vacation and says I hate to bother you but can you do me a favor? Off with their head!
1 tag
“People who answer work calls while in a public bathroom. Off with their head!”
– @kickassjenn, as part of #officebastilleday
1 tag
“Someone from HR called my personal cell phone while I’m on maternity...”
– @sarahwilly, as part of #officebastilleday
1 tag
“It’s 4pm and you want me to redo someone else’s entire business plan...”
– @vlibs, as part of #officebastilleday
1 tag
“Had to sit through a meeting that went through lunch, & food wasn’t...”
– @ActuallyItsAmy, as part of #officebastilleday
1 tag
#officebastille day from @TJBound
Boss: Why can't you do the report by tomorrow?!
Me: Because tomorrow is saturday.
Boss: mmm..do you have a computer at home?
1 tag
“Overheard in the cafeteria - “What? Frogs legs, again?”
– @fweetieb, as part of #officebastilleday