April 2011
42 posts
1 tag
Don’t plan every second →
I went to an off-site meeting, and they planned every single second. It was like I was being micromanaged. And who doesn’t love being micromanaged?
Unfortunately, last year’s corporate retreat was monopolized by senior management spouting platitudes and patronizing stories about how most people aren’t as good as they were when they moved up. Somehow everyone is too busy to go to this...
Funniest Royal Wedding Tweets, as chosen by... →
And the best part is mine is included. Click through and take a look.
Q: Is it rude to bring fish to a lunch meeting?
A: Maybe, but it does create a disincentive for people to schedule lunch meetings.
In fact the more I think about it, any meeting scheduled between 12 and 1 should involve some smelly, repulsive food. What other foods will keep people from scheduling lunch meetings?
“Thanks to 5AM Royal Weddding coverage, everyone showed up on time at the office...”
3 tags
The Most Hated Buzzword
Few things irritate me more than buzzwords. Why? Because the person who spews buzzwords all over the office actually thinks people are impressed! But the truth is once a buzzword loses its magic, it has the opposite effect; we’re not impressed, we just think you’re a shallow idiot who thinks a few adjectives can cover for a steaming pile of dog crap. A robust pile of dog crap still stinks! ...
Stuck in a meeting with Mr. Passive-Aggressive Clarification. Anyone know what his kryptonite is?
“The best thing about being the one who scheduled a 3:00 meeting is being the one...”
– @Hormonella
“Answers to questions asked on the way to the bathroom are not legally binding....”
Coworker let me in on a secret today— he wasn’t sick yesterday, he just took the day off to go around to all the stores and buy up Easter chocolate for 75% off. Priorities.
2 tags
Teamwork
Teamwork is often invoked by the boss as a way of saying
I know it’s not your fault, but you need to suck it up and make me look good. Of course I won’t put that in writing, and you’ll be to blame if it’s not done. We need it first thing in the morning. I’ll be at home. Try not to stay too late.
HR is here to help. They've got rules and...
*results are not guaranteed.
lilytrail:
Today so far has been interviews for a new position we are hiring. I’m sitting in on more this afternoon, tomorrow and Thursday. To prevent lawsuits and keep everything fair, the questions have to be approved by HR in advance and EVERY candidate has to be asked THE EXACT SAME QUESTIONS. This interview has 3 pages of questions that are all asked in the...
“If you work hard enough and smart enough, your boss will get promoted and be...”
– @juicymorsel
The 10 Best Printer Error Messages →
Very funny stuff. Read the rest.
(found by @mrsharrisonford)
“Jesus died so we could have a 3-day weekend—errr…our sins. He died...”
“Department meeting at 4:00. I’ll bring the bread and grape juice....”
4 tags
What would Jesus do ... To a nitwit customer?
debshock:
WWJD?
My co-worker just asked me this after I got mad at some moron customer (who was a fucking nitwit.)
My answer: “Jesus would have punched her in her fucking mouth. He wouldn’t put up with that crap. And it wouldn’t have been a sin either.”
Pfffft.
“Salesman is just a fancy word for liar.”
“The client’s card should say Backseat Art Director.”
“The only thing worse than Mondays is the whining about Mondays.”
“Excuse me, boss, but are you going to let the consultant talk, or did you only...”
“And what better time for a long, pointless monologue than the 9:00am all-hands...”
“When my grandchildren ask what happened to the trees, I’ll say...”
The boss loves Mondays.
Since his divorce he has to go all weekend without yelling at anyone*.
*unless he wants them to spit in his food
“Let’s just say, the next person who acts like our move to a demonstrably...”
– AngryOldCoot
“Before I close an unsent email, it asks “are you sure?” SO WHY...”
“I’ve done what I can. Now it’s in the hands of people who...”
“I just spent 20 minutes waiting for the printer to warm up. That’s...”
“You thought JQuery was a rapper, so maybe you should stop telling us how to run...”
“My boss was a prodigy— in 6th grade they said he was lying at a 10th grade...”
“Coworker was out today getting a root canal. We felt bad for her— until...”
How do I convince my boss that we need to be shut...
Ideally I’d like an answer in the next 20 minutes…
“I love the way people are putting “PMP” in their names like they are...”
“You spent all day wordsmithing this status report?! Imagine how great it would...”
“Dear ad writers:
‘Cloud’ is not synonymous with...”
– @xisforxmen
“New hire asked if she had to fill out a ticket to get IT to create her email...”
“Sorry, boss, but managers don’t get to whine about Mondays— managers...”
“Golden Rule of Office Life: Respect others’ time as you would have them respect...”
– from my join.me post Conference Call or Meeting?
Boss wants help cleaning up his office? What do I...
@updirty2olives: I was just informed to block out 3 hours to help my boss clean his office. Joy. Certainly I have the right to politely protest??
@MeetingBoy: Tell your boss you'll help him CLEAN OUT his office, but not CLEAN it.
“Life’s Greatest Disappointment: Visiting your old job only to find your old boss...”