November 2011
57 posts
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“A few months ago I started copying hostile emails to a folder, and now the mail...”
Do office holiday parties suck? →
Challenger, Gray & Christmas says that 70% of companies will hold holiday parties this year, and only 30% will hold them on company premises. What they don’t tell you is that many of those parties will suck. The question is why do they suck. Please answer my survey on what you hate about the party.
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How many times do I have to tell people--DO NOT...
titsandsass:
i was just on the phone with someone that has a waterfall or a water feature in their office
i have never wanted to pee so badly in my life. all i could hear was the water trickling. i didn’t even pay attention to the call. all i could think was gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee
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“Yes, let’s have another round of hostile emails, because if we actually...”
Barney Frank quit because of redistricting? How do...
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“On Cyber Monday I should be allowed to ignore stupid requests by saying...”
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“The office internet connection is down, so we can only send accusatory emails to...”
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“The only good thing about a meeting to plan another meeting is that, unlike most...”
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“If people can now use pepper spray to get the last piece of junk at Walmart,...”
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“My boss’s obituary should be a 72-slide PowerPoint that everyone ignores...”
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“After dinner tonight the boss will turn down the lights and take the family...”
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Office "diversity potluck"? How could that go...
I forgot the office “diversity potluck” was today. Sure, it sounds like fun in theory— everyone bringing in a dish reflecting their family heritage. But that wasn’t enough. Instead the boss announced there would be a winner for best dish. Because what’s more fun than being forced to share a meal with coworkers? Having them compete, that’s what.
So rather than...
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“I think I’ll slaughter my coworker and take his office.
Like a Pilgrim.”
– @79protons
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“If you replaced all the buzzwords the boss uses with “abracadabra”,...”
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“If you call me during the holiday for something you could have asked me today,...”
– Let the punishment fit the crime.
“Making people stand for meetings might seem like it will make them more...”
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“With the short week everyone is rushing to get their stupid questions in before...”
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“When people ask why I don’t quit my job, I tell them: “Keep your...”
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How's morale?
Well, a senior VP just told me: “I just want to get through this meeting Thursday. I don’t care if it’s good.”
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“Why are people surprised that the Super Committee is a failure? At my company...”
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"I know these are lame ideas, but there are a lot...
My ambitious, idiot coworker is from the school of thought which teaches “I know these are lame ideas, but there are a lot of them.” He has a PowerPoint full of these lame ideas.
And yet this will no doubt get the praise of the boss because “it shows lots of hard work and thought” and was of course presented in a meeting the ambitious idiot called and was full of buzzwords...
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“I’m never too busy to be interrupted when you have news that a meeting has...”
“Ricky Gervais asked back for the Golden Globes. Nice. How do I get a job where...”
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“It was a long day, but I didn’t see one PowerPoint slide, so it...”
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“You know how parents will tell you about their kids potty habits & how much...”
– @kickassjenn
“I love when you act like you’re doing me a favor by answering a question...”
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“HR announced a “diversity cook-off” for the office potluck next...”
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“No, no, don’t email me your request— leave me a voicemail, that way...”
“Reports say the seasonal flu shot only 59% effective. I’m not...”
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“There are two sides to every story, it’s just that my boss’s side is...”
“My 11/11/11 wish? That people stop using emoticons and textspeak in business...”
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“I’m going to celebrate diversity by taking a siesta instead of a nap.”
– @Reba723
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“At a construction site they have a sign that says “22 days since last...”
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“My boss would make a great Oscars host. Well, except his meetings always run...”
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“Email server is down, but instant messenger still works, so we can continue...”
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“Now that the iPhone groups emails by thread, I can see we’ve had 74 emails...”
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“Stop hiding behind email and come out here and face me like a man! Seriously, no...”
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“If by “surprises” you mean moving the deadline up 4 days without...”
“Famous Last Words: “I changed my mind about this report you wrote, so I...”
“sick days are no fun to use when you’re actually sick.”
– thatchicmichelle
If someone steals your lunch at work, leave an...
thejohnblog:
Then sit back and watch the magic happen.
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“The boss would probably admit he’s a narcissist if he thought it’d...”
“It’s an hour since I received an insulting or accusatory email. I’d...”
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“WARNING: If you forget Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, you may come in...”
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“Coworker emailed department to tell us “not to overdue it” at a...”
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“I’d complain about my coworker boring us with cute photos of her puppy,...”
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“No, no, I LOVE that I have to harass you every time just to get simple things...”
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“New migraine cure: Kill your boss. Side effects include limited movement and...”