February 2011
77 posts
“When item #1 on the agenda is “establishment of a weekly status...”
January 2011
127 posts
Six-Figure Slacker: Some people work, others... →
Meet the six-figure slacker. Outlook is his clarion, PowerPoint his shield, the white board his sword. From 9 a.m. until just after 6 p.m., if he’s in the building he’s in one of the conference rooms or in some vice president’s office. He is a meeting whore, spending as much time as possible huddled with other executives in small, windowless rooms. He does this because he...
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“Do I have to come to the status meeting? What if I promise to accomplish nothing...”
“I’m willing to let you take the credit just to keep things moving along,...”
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“Are Angry Birds, Twitter, and Words With Friends the sponsors of boring status...”
What questions would you ask a wise man, oracle,...
Working on a new bit, need questions for some all-knowing or wise being.
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“Don’t tell me you didn’t receive the agenda— it was attached...”
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Performance Review
You spend too much time on your iPhone in meetings.
Be reachable by phone and email at all times.
People don’t like it when you point out their requests are hypocritical.
And the best part? My boss has since gotten an iPad, which he brings to meetings, and is often seen playing games during meetings when he gets bored.
“I know it’s a bad idea, but let’s just do it to appease the client.”
– Somehow my ensuing lecture about Chamberlain and the Sudetenland fell on deaf ears. Churchill is rolling over in his grave right now.
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Did you know that if you’re a bad listener and a liar you can invent your own version of events where you get all the credit and someone else is always to blame?
It’s true. And if you do it right, you will even believe it’s true. My boss has made a career out of it.
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Darth Vader Was Not Invited To The Conference Call... →
Last week I asked people to help me come up with the things that people do that make conference calls suck. And a few things kept coming up, and so I’ve come up with some new rules:
1. Hold music.
How many times have we all been on a call, and someone puts the call on hold for a minute, and then we all have to hear their hold music?! A lot. It makes it difficult for the rest of us to hear and...
Ways Men Overcompensate
Sports car/large truck.
Acting like an arrogant jerk.
Calling too many people to a meeting just because they can.
Anything I missed?
“You can either do research or just guess. What makes you think guessing will...”
“Yes, let’s add another peacock to this urgent project. That should make it...”
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I Have A Dream
I have a dream that other people’s lack of planning isn’t my problem. I have a dream that your bad day doesn’t entitle you to ruin mine. I have a dream that your stupid cousin we had to hire can actually perform his job. I have a dream that vendor capabilities presentations always include donuts. I have a dream that my boss will actually explain what he wants and not penalize me...
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Yes, I have a temper
If by “have a temper” you mean “is tired of being blamed for things I’m not involved in”, then yes, I have a temper, boss.
You know who else has a temper by this logic? EVERYONE!
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Yes, I have a temper
If by “have a temper” you mean “is tired of being blamed for things I’m not involved in”, then yes, I have a temper, boss.
You know who else has a temper by this logic? EVERYONE!
And then the guy next to me in the food court...
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“How did the project go overbudget? Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s the...”
“Selective memory is 20/20.”
“Selective memory is 20/20.”
“I’m having trouble understanding this request from my coworker. I need...”
“I’m having trouble understanding this request from my coworker. I need...”
“All the top bosses are out at a “leadership retreat” today. Which is...”
“All the top bosses are out at a “leadership retreat” today. Which is...”
What is an acceptable retaliation to not holding...
Because they tell me decapitation is barbaric.
What is an acceptable retaliation to not holding...
Because they tell me decapitation is barbaric.
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fakestorm
(n) a brainstorm where the boss only lets you talk about his ideas.
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fakestorm
(n) a brainstorm where the boss only lets you talk about his ideas.
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“To watch my boss, you’d think that there was no way to correct people...”
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“To watch my boss, you’d think that there was no way to correct people...”
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37 Signals' Boycott A Meeting Day: I call...
I read this post about Boycott A Meeting Day, sponsored by 37 Signals. It sounds great, right? I was fired up. I contacted 37 Signals to see what I could do to help. Meetings are mostly a waste of time, as my readers and followers no doubt know. So of course I was excited. I told 37 Signals we needed to do more to spread the word, make it an event. I offered several suggestions, including printing...
2 tags
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“My boss explained that we’re not reinventing the wheel; we’re just...”
“My boss explained that we’re not reinventing the wheel; we’re just...”
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"We've been over this!"
Is there a way to reply to a stupid work text with an emoticon or something that slaps the person in the face and says “We’ve been over this!”?
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"We've been over this!"
Is there a way to reply to a stupid work text with an emoticon or something that slaps the person in the face and says “We’ve been over this!”?
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Here’s a piece of junk to remember me by →
Whether a vendor holiday gift to clients, a corporate gift or a conference takeaway, there’s a lot of crap with corporate logos out there. And I’m sick of it. I have drawers full of crap, and it keeps coming. And so today I’m going to do something about it! That’s right — I’m going to complain.
The Plan Your Meetings staff tells me someone stood up at a planning meeting once and said, “I...
“You didn’t read it, but you’re already emailing the boss with your...”
“You didn’t read it, but you’re already emailing the boss with your...”
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My Playboy Centerfold Questionnaire has been... →
measurements: 40-40-40 turn-ons: puppies, men that aren’t afraid to cry, long walks on the beach sick days, brevity turn-offs: buzzwords, email, misuse of your/you’re favorite activities: telling people no, correcting people’s grammar guilty pleasures: napping in the conference room ambitions: to quit my job in a way that people will talk about for generations to come best concert: the one my boss...
3 tags
My Playboy Centerfold Questionnaire has been... →
measurements: 40-40-40 turn-ons: puppies, men that aren’t afraid to cry, long walks on the beach sick days, brevity turn-offs: buzzwords, email, misuse of your/you’re favorite activities: telling people no, correcting people’s grammar guilty pleasures: napping in the conference room ambitions: to quit my job in a way that people will talk about for generations to come best concert: the one my boss...
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“I am issuing an AMBER ALERT for my missing STAPLER.”
– @eugem
“I am issuing an AMBER ALERT for my missing STAPLER.”
– @eugem