September 2010
75 posts
This new writer they hired is so bad that she can’t write a ONE SENTENCE email without making an egregious error, but I’m the jerk for pointing it out before the client sees it.
I hate that the scheduling program has a recurring meeting go forever. I will attend no meetings after 6/23/2044, my 65th birthday!
RT @summersumz: I like to consider myself a very principled person, but today I attended my first meeting without having had coffee.
There are no bad ideas in brainstorming, only unworkable ideas from management that you’ll waste months developing.
Had two meetings canceled this morning. I don’t know if I should jump for joy or check my deodorant.
The Titanic probably wouldn’t have sunk if the crew hadn’t spent the first 20 minutes of the status meeting on small talk.
I’m sorry we didn’t do what the client asked and you got yelled at. Next time maybe you’ll tell us when the client asks for something.
Go ahead, click that pen one more time and we’ll find out if a jury thinks that’s grounds for justifiable homicide.
RT @carlosdavila: SO SORRY, I thought it was Irrational Puncture Day, so a few of my coworkers might have to call tow trucks to get home
I know you like to be fashionably late, but if you make everyone stay for a 6:00 conference call, you better be on the fucking call!
If you insist on CCing me on every email even when it doesn’t concern me, don’t be surprised that I’ve stopped reading them.
Those jokes yesterday about how Facebook was down so productivity was up only point out how productive we’d all be if PowerPoint was down.
RT @Ch8rming: Why aren’t imaginary coworkers more popular?
1) Very agreeable
2) Natural scapegoats
3) Generous with the hand-jobs
A baby shower for the office Hitler? No, instead let’s give the shower money to a lawyer to make a case to Child Protective Services.
I have a headache BEFORE the meeting. Must be opposite day.
RT @joeschmitt: RT @LadyGaga: OMG!!! Do I really sound like this? http://youtube.com/watch?v=RQGQ5dW3UXs
I have a hard time taking anyone seriously who says CUE-pon. It’s COO-pon, damn it! COO-pon!
RT @stacey727: Fire alarm goes off in middle of two hour conference call. See kids, sometimes wishes do come true.
Trapped in a 90-minute meeting next to a lady wearing way too much of that new perfume, Migraine by Calvin Klein.
Another meeting without an agenda or goal. My favorite.
“Congratulations. I think you just invented the role of Lambda Male.”
No, @otherleah, evidence of their futility never stopped someone from holding a meeting. THEIR meetings are never pointless or wasteful.
RT@krosstawk: On a web conf. Speaker said she values my time as she continues to read me a PowerPoint word for word!
1 tag
“Please make sure there is not a .zip attachment in your email.
Those are...”
– from a client email
Zip isn’t some crazy format that no one uses. It is the #1 way that people consolidate files. That your email system is still blocking them at this date is ridiculous. Ridiculous! It’s not 2001 and zip files in emails are transporting viruses and bringing down the...
There ought to be a law against these things:
morrowplanet:
First 7-hour meeting of the week:
complete.
Sometimes there’s just no satisfaction in saying I told you so.
RT @mytweecwetlife: Not only is my boss a member of the douchebag club, but he’s also the president
Thanks for the voicemail about the email you sent. If you send me another email about the voicemail, then we’ll complete the circle of life.
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It's just not true that I can't say something good...
For example? Well, …they have great 3G coverage in the 16th floor bathroom.
Football ads tell me I can get a truck that can tow a plane and a toolbox that can survive a bear attack, but still I have a tiny penis!
Opportunity doesn’t knock at 4:45 on a Friday; assholes do. I’m going home; go peddle your opportunity somewhere else, fool!
Another all-hands status meeting? No! You’ve already held 7 hours worth this week. Let us work!
RT @justirish: The meeting is from 1:00-2:00? Okay, I’ll be there at 1:55 for the recap!
RT @EllieM72: To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy. @meetingboy
RT @y_i_y_a: Wondering if they keep the office freezing in order to keep our bodies fresh in case we kill ourselves during a meeting.
RT @justirish: My favorite kind of meetings are the ones that get cancelled.
Don’t know if I’m ready to meet the Lord today, but the Apocalypse can’t be worse than another hour of meeting with these idiots.
When did it become unacceptable to tell someone with a stupid request to “kiss my ass”?
I'd like to change my answer... →
Not Diddy: Do you have any heroes?
Mr. Boy: Anyone whoever quit their job and told everyone off is my hero. Unless they died pathetic and penniless. That I could do myself.
I would like to point out that I answered that question before the JetBlue guy quit his job. Of course whether he dies pathetic and penniless remains to be seen.
[read the full interview by @iamnotdiddy]
New Twitter interface? Bah, humbug! Unless it looks like I’m working when my boss walks by, I’ll stick with my iPhone.
I’m sure it comes as no surprise that the person who demands everything be submitted in triplicate is a bitter 63-year-old.
I got sent home for inappropriate attire. Lady Gaga wore the SAME thing at the VMAs! Some people know nothing about fashion.
2 tags
5 Questions: @MeetingBoy
iamnotdiddy:
In this segment of “5 Questions”, we talk with @MeetingBoy, Twitter’s expert on the robust jargon leveraged in top-down organizations across the world, about zombies, heroes, and mute buttons :
Not Diddy: When the impending Zombie Apocalypse comes (and we both know it will), what will be your weapon of choice?
Mr. Boy: Platitudes. By observing my boss I’ve discovered that...
Dear Office Services: A printer that can’t collate 40-page documents. Really? That technology has existed for 20 years. -MB
RT @empress_audrey: Corporate math: another bad idea = at least 3 useless meetings
Please refrain from using acronyms for new programs no one has ever heard of. It makes me want to shout STFU!
Another day, another bad idea.