May 2010
51 posts
I said, 5:00!
April 2010
61 posts
5:00.
Payday USED to be exciting. Now? Just a biweekly reminder that I haven’t had a raise in over 2 years.
Ricky Gervais asked back to host the Golden Globes. I wish I could get drunk at work and keep my job!
I may have pulled something rolling my eyes in that last meeting. This could inhibit my ability to raise my eyebrow dubiously. #workmanscomp
At that point where I don’t have enough time between meetings to go to the bathroom. This is going to be…interesting.
Is he replaceable? Only if there’s a 180 lb. rock that can keep his chair in place.
“When I tell you my awful, unworkable idea, you ask ‘how high?’”
“I know it’s a foregone conclusion. But a foregone conclusion makes an ASS out of U and ME.”
“I’m really busy doing everybody else’s job that they didn’t ask me to do. And they’re so ungrateful.”
The Timesheet Nazis are out in force this morning. Submit now or face the Gestapo!
Send all the emails you want. It’s 6:00 on Friday; you are NOT getting a reply until Monday.
Meeting Boy: So, how was vacation?
Co-worker: Great! Coachella was awesome.
Meeting Boy: So you just got stoned for 3 days?
Co-worker: Hahahahahaha...
Meeting Boy: This is not a "no".
I am declaring today “National Bring Your Hangover To Work Day”. Still awaiting Obama’s proclamation…
Sometimes it’s a miracle anything ever gets done on this account with all the red tape and the 74-person approval process.
“On the first day of Earth Day
my true love gave to me
A stack of color...”
It’s Earth Day. Is it too much too ask that you not print color copies of the status report for everyone?
Hey! What do you know? It turns out he CAN delegate— he’s really spread the blame around.
“I am so sick of hearing about that guy’s latest fuckups. There’s just no joy in it any more.”
I broke my extra chair so no one can sit down in my office and give me more work. If that doesn’t work, I’m getting a gun.
“Is this the actual status meeting, or the one to plan the status meeting?”
– I am saddened that I work in a place where this is a legitimate question.
She may be incompetent at her job description, but she makes up for it by being excellent at ass-kissing and blame shifting.
A 3-page resume? Is this a joke? You’re 27-years-old and have had 2 jobs since college.
Yes, she’s an idiot and a bully, but she’s in charge so we have to work with her. Get your revenge by being slow, incompetent and surly.
Everyone in the conference room for a 2-hour meeting about declining productivity!
Just misread “Scalable” as “Scrabble”. I am so disappointed.
Please stop bragging about your achievements to people who’ve done more with less. Not everyone is as impressed by you as you are.
This isn’t a brainstorm, so save your bad ideas for later.
“It’s never too late to blame someone else.”
Before you sell a plan to the client, maybe read the details I sent. Because I’ve got proof, so you’ve only made an ass out of you.
You want to enhance productivity? Put down the whip and make the printer stop spitting out 80-page uncollated documents.
The bathroom in the office is currently out-of-service, so I may be behind on my WordsWithFriends moves today.
It failed, but you can’t blame him. He bullied and bossed as hard he could. What else could anyone do, listen? Ha! Listening is for losers.
You know I have a Blackberry, and yet you persist in texting me about the email that “needs an answer ASAP!” I got your fucking email!!
A McDonalds in NYC has sweet tea now. I’m confused— I thought we WON the Civil War.
Hey, Mr. Close Talker, how about a mint before your next sales call. Rumors of your breath were NOT exaggerated.
Dear Boss:
If you’re going to take everyone put for drinks on Thursday, what’s with the 8:30 meeting?
MeetingBoy
PS: The light!
Last minute requests are down almost 40% since I started punching people in the nose. 40%! You should try it.
Larger fonts don’t make your puny budget numbers look any more impressive. I call it the Porsche Effect.
Billboard advertises “live close to work”. Not interested.
It only takes 4 slides to explain how an atomic bomb works, so please stop calling your 72 slides “an overview”.
That meeting threatened to drag on for 3 hours. Drinking the bottle of laxative was my only way out. I regret nothing.
Just shut up and do your fucking job for once!
So you just wanted to gloat? Why didn’t you say so? I thought you had work for me. I’m not really busy; I was faking.
Quandry: If the boss is always late and you’re running late, do you call in like you’re supposed to? Or just hope you get there first?
“I don’t come down to your workplace and tell you how to make boring PowerPoints.”