March 2010
155 posts
1 tag
Let the Punishment Fit the Crime
You are
mean
petty
vindictive
small
bullying
stupid
I was
tired of your bullshit
replied to one of your hostile emails with hostility
So to punish me, you’ve made it so
I no longer work on your project
the project that is failing and likely to be canceled in two months
the project that if canceled will likely result in layoffs of everyone on it
Boy, you really showed me!
Some...
When dealing with that VP, remember that for every action there is an equal and opposite retaliation.
Who will be the Moses of Meetings and lead us out of the land of PowerPoint?
Who will walk into meetings across this land and demand, “Let my people go!”
Is there an Old Testament plague I can call on to rid me of these meetings?
So that’s your story now—you didn’t approve this? Then does your evil twin have any distinguishing birth marks?
I really don’t think my last email had a tone in it, except maybe the last sentence: “It’s stupid and a waste of time”.
1 tag
A Consultant Recommends NOT Using PowerPoint.... →
@Figliuolo discusses how life is better when you don’t bring PowerPoint.
When you shoot the messenger, make sure he’s dead before pretending you weren’t told. Or not, you always know better anyway.
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and press releases.
“Let’s update the shit out of that report!”
– someone who is a little too enthusiastic for Monday (via joeschmitt)
1 tag
Account People Will Accommodate Any Idea From The...
Account People Will Accommodate Any Idea From
View more presentations from Meeting Boy.
The messenger is dead. Problem solved!
1 tag
Late requests have become so common on Fridays that I’ve taken to sneaking out wearing a mask. So far so good, no one asked President Reagan to write up a few slides over the weekend for Monday’s call.
Sure, don’t bring cookies to your 3:30 meeting, but don’t come crying to me when everyone falls asleep.
Someone who is better at PowerPoint, please help
I’m trying to make another slide show from one of my old posts, since that was pretty popular, and spread out beyond the usual @MeetingBoy crowd. Here’s the presentation so far.
How should I jazz this up so it feels more like a real business presentation?
If only your plan were as robust as your use of the word robust.
I don’t often recommend people to follow, but some of my favorites are @iamnotdiddy @northpacific @biblicone @slag_mag @rexhuppke @Kathy_L
You asked us for help in your time of desperation, so what’s with the smug attitude?
Next time you pull rank, maybe notice that the person doesn’t report to you and in fact reports directly to someone who outranks you.
Worst.
Conference call.
Ever.
Two hour conference call starting at 5:00. No jury would convict me…
“that ship has sailed”
“it’s water under the bridge”
Enough! Now I have to pee.
This conference room could use more negative space. By which I mean SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THIS MEETING. YOU’RE NOT HELPING.
The company is still struggling with declining revenues and poor morale, but they have a solution— more favoritism.
RT @PowerofNo: Is success the best revenge? Or is it barfing into their handbag? Or yanking a rug off a head?
Just discovered that the phrase “I just wanted to touch base” is a euphemism for masturbation. It all makes sense now.
This client is such an awful micromanager that I wouldn’t be surprised if he backseat drove on the plane ride over.
I’m sure your idea sounds good to you, but since you’re not a VP, it can’t possibly be good. Only VPs have good ideas.
Everyone ignored his suggestion at the last 10 meetings, but I’m the bad guy for cutting him off.
Those who ignore the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it. Except for her. All those people in history were not as smart as her.
They hold the same meeting every week and talk and talk, and nothing ever gets done. How many votes do I need for cloture?
Healthcare, shmelthcare! Tell me when Obama tackles Meeting Reform and then I’ll get interested.
Got trapped by an hour of “one more thing” at 5:45. I need to develop a good stiff-arm for fending these off, like that Heisman trophy guy.
You’re right, it’s my fault the project is late. I should have known better than to put two Scorpios on the same team.
Net-net.
Win-win. You really ought to work on that stutter.
From the ideas I’m hearing in this brainstorm, it appears I’ve wondered onto the set of Jersey Shore.
It’s 5:15 on Friday,
so unless you have a suitcase full of money and a bag of blow,
GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!
RT @dudleybdawson: Article titled ‘Google yourself before job interviews’ in WSJ.com. I misinterpreted this. I have to say, though, I wa …
RT @jasonboche: That headgear on my melon means I’m on the phone. The lights on my phone are also a dead giveaway. Me ignoring you is th …
If God wanted meetings to start on time, he would have created watches or other portable timekeeping devices.
RT @ocean1blue: @MeetingBoy Resignation via text works too; only need 2 letters: FU. Smiley face optional.
Your resignation letter is too short. Take a cue from Martin Luther. 95 Theses. Nailed to the door. Now that’s how to quit!
8AM meetings are no different than 10AM meetings except for the extra 20 minutes discussing how early it is and waiting for stragglers.
Sorry, but I don’t care that she’s a lesbian. I do care that she’s difficult, stupid, and lazy.
When I asked you to schedule a meeting for the “Brackets” campaign today, I’m sure I told you to make sure the room had a television.
1 tag
Classic Blunders of Western Civilization
Getting involved in a land war in Asia.
Going against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Holding an important meeting the day after St. Patrick’s Day.
5:00. Time for beer, green or otherwise. I’m buying. I’ll be at the bar wearing green, should be easy to spot.
Lotus Notes, we need to talk.
Snooze. I don’t think that word means what you think it means. You popup a reminder about a meeting that starts in 15 minutes and I click the snooze button to be reminded again in 10 minutes.
But when I click snooze, you take me away from the program I’m working in and over to Lotus Notes. Why do you do that? Why?! It’s as though my alarm clock goes off at 7:00 AM, and I click...