December 2010
200 posts
“Stuck having lunch at my desk again so I can be on a conference call. It’s...”
November 2010
114 posts
“The only kind of action item I like is Someone Else’s.”
2 tags
Q: What have you found to be the best way to get...
The best way is to have another meeting you have to go to. Just like on a first date where you have a friend call in after an hour with an “emergency”. But you have to do it just right— the meeting you are leaving for has to be with someone much more important than the one you are attempting to leave. That way they can’t pull rank! Of course your coworker needs to stick to their...
The nerve! Businessweek wrote an article Stop... →
(found by @EASTeam)
It's Tuesday. You've been back in the office for...
Can you please turn off your Thanksgiving out-of-office message?
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@yvetterene: Why is it that when people make copies, they never go get them off the copier?
@MeetingBoy: Why don't people get their copies from the printer? Because even they are bored by the work they produce.
“The thing about minions is more often than not, they’re minions BECAUSE...”
– @ecined
Q: How many meetings do you have in a typical day?...
I have 3-4 per day, and at least one runs long, 90 minutes or more. And that’s scheduled meetings. There’s still plenty of “can you come by for a minute?” impromptus that last much more than a minute. joinme: How long do you think your meetings need to be / how long are they typically? MeetingBoy: Most meetings should be less than 30 minutes, and could be done in 15. Brainstorms and strategy...
“I’m having trouble understanding your request. Could you try using...”
– @MeetingBoy
@CuteEllaIs reply: Also, if you could also use English instead of what you believe to be “jargon” that would be super.
“I survived another performance review. My plan to bullshit all year and...”
– @olivetoes
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“Restaurants are rated with stars, movies with thumbs up or down. I propose...”
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Would it be bad for business if I slammed my...
@JustACaJen: Hey @MeetingBoy would it be bad for business if I slammed my employees' heads against a table in this meeting?
@MeetingBoy: I don't advocate workplace violence. Unless it's at my office. And gets results. And is performed by me.
“Just talked my way out of a 5:30 meeting. Though it’d be more satisfying...”
“Whoever said there are no stupid questions was stupid.”
– @justkramer
“Firing this tantrum-throwing, incompetent bully is good, but only a start....”
“Pizza during a 3 hour meeting does NOT replace my 1 hour lunch.”
– @theNatalia
“We can assemble the fastest team ever, but if you can’t get your client to...”
“Remember, your employer’s HR department is there to PROTECT THE COMPANY...”
– @PaulyMortadella
Why do all our marketing ideas suck?
Well, it all starts with the room full of jargon-spewing hacks you invite to brainstorms.
Even the boss is playing video games in meetings...
@cubicle_comment: To my fascination and horror, one of our team sat playing a video game on iPhone for an entire meeting. Didn't conceal at all.
@MeetingBoy: My boss now openly plays games on his company iPad when meetings get boring. At least not in HIS boring meetings though.
“I don’t LIKE spending all day covering my ass, boss, but your tolerance...”
“Oh, no! There’s something 3 cents cheaper two stores down, and unless we...”
“This guy is so slow to make his point I want to get out and push.”
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#theidealboss recap
On Thursday, November 18 I started the hashtag #theidealboss as an extension of this post from an interview I gave online at join.me. Based on the reactions I got in the session, it seemed others would like playing this game, and I also had plenty more to add.
There were thousands of tweets that day. Below are some of my favorites of mine and others. Which one is the best?
Mine:
#theidealboss...
“When your only tool is passive aggression, every problem looks like it’s...”
– @knitterplease
“I don’t like to think of it as having to work on Black Friday as much as...”
– @WadeToBlack
“Honey, can you watch the kids today so I can go harass some retail clerks?”
“Even if I wanted to work today, the chorus of out-of-office replies tells me it...”
“Not enough people in today to get a quorum for a meeting. I’m officially...”
Things I'm Thankful For
1. Family.
2. Friends.
3. A four day weekend.
4. The demise of the Dallas Cowboys.
But not necessarily in that order.
“Yes, I’m at work all day today, but I wouldn’t say I’m...”
OK, I’m all caught up on Words With Friends. Can I go home now?
“Today is of course Wednesday, but with Wednesday, Thursday and Friday’s...”
– @BlondHousewife
So, how long are we expected to pretend to work...
“Stop coughing in the office! If I get sick over the holiday, I’m going to...”
“Sure, getting the weekly status meeting reduced to 30 minutes is better than...”
2 tags
Q: I work at a company that is slow to adopt...
Change is hard in every organization. Which is why I recommend dramatic measures. We’ve all seen Spartacus, right? Remember how they crucified people at the crossroads to serve as an example? Well, that’s how you do it. Kill one old person resistant to change, and then leave their corpse in their cube as a warning to others. Seriously, to effect change, you need to not focus on the...
Another great morale builder:
pleasefireme:
Please fire me. Instead of paying their employees a reasonable wage, the company I work for invested in making a CD of Broadway-musical-style songs about the how awesome the company is. They play it to kick off every meeting. *jazz hands*
Plenty more of these gems at the Please Fire Me Tumblr.
Already picking out which client is going to...
New Hire: So, not to sound like a slacker, but do they ever let us out a few hours early the day before Thanksgiving?
MeetingBoy: Well, technically we're hourly, so if we left early, we couldn't get paid for it. Sometimes if we've worked long hours on a crazy project, they'll let us take a few hours off and bill it to that client. But if there's no client to bill it to, you can't leave.
New Hire: What? Seriously?
MeetingBoy: Yep.
New Hire: ...
New Hire: Okay, well I just can't live in a world where you can't leave a few hours early for Thanksgiving. I'm going to go get a bagel.
And with that, she disappeared. Not sure which client is going to finance her bagel break, but I'm already picking out which one is going to finance my excessively long lunch.
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Q: What is the worst meeting you have ever been...
There’s lots of worst meetings, and they all involve the same person. Let me tell you about her: She is a VP who will invite EVERYONE to EVERY MEETING. Because she’s important, and her time matters, not yours. So one day she called the entire team— 25 people— to the boardroom. Topic— too many hours are being put against my project. It’s overbudget. This meeting went on for...
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“I’ve recovered from my death sickness. Now I’m back in the office....”
– @swimparallel
One of my favorite tweets ever which I didn’t write.
“5 minutes until the 9AM Monday meeting. Unless we need to “fall...”
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Q: What is the funniest thing you have ever seen...
The funniest meeting I was in was one where 5 people were at the client out of town and 3 of us were stuck on a conference line in the fishbowl. I had slid a piece of paper across the table that said “ROBUST”, as they kept saying it at the other end. My coworker looked confused. A minute later they said it. Then again. Then again. At this point he was laughing so hard we had to go on mute....
“If these people spent any of the effort they spend coming up with excuses...”
“Another bad suggestion from the friend of the CEO hired as a consultant. Great!...”
“It’s not so much that I’m praying for death as much as just sitting...”
– @debihope
@cgrady8: My 5 worst meetings? My 9, my 10, my 11, my 12 and my 1. Wanna switch?
@MeetingBoy: How about you keep your crappy meetings and I'll keep mine?
@MeetingBoy: Or we could do a crisscross and I'll kill all your coworkers and you kill all mine. What do you think?