February 2012
20 posts
2 tags
“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Well, ONE of the roads is. The...”
1 tag
“Walk off with my pen again and you can keep it— it won’t be much use...”
“Who else would make lame PowerPoint decks we’d all be embarrassed to deliver?...”
– Cocktail Straw: Jerkface
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“A 4-hour conference call? I guess so; it’s as good time a time as any to...”
“It’s 5:00, so if you don’t have a good answer to “why...”
1 tag
“A 3-hour meeting? Pass. Just send me the PowerPoint and I’ll ignore it...”
“Hmmm… a lot of people seem to be at a “downtown meeting” this...”
“A college class came in to get a tour and see how a company works. I assume it...”
“Giants win! Is it too soon to call in sick tomorrow?”
2 tags
“I’m willing to admit I’m prejudiced against PowerPoint, probably...”
4 tags
“If you want a sense of how pointless and repetitive my job is, just try to watch...”
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“No, I don’t care how many exclamation points and CAPITAL LETTERS you use,...”
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“The account director is never interested in doing postmortems: “We...”
2 tags
Do prostitutes also complain that they "had to...
Or is that just something annoying account guys say?
5 tags
“Groundhog Day, Valentine’s Day, Presidents Day. Don’t get me...”
1 tag
“Groundhog Day was amusing when I was younger, but now my work life is so...”
3 tags
“Your vendor keeps changing things and you don’t hold them accountable, but...”
5 tags
“No, I will not “agree to disagree”— you were just wrong....”
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“SPOILER ALERT: In Before Watchmen Rorschach leaves the group because Ozymandias...”
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“In honor of Don Cornelius passing, I proposed we cancel morning status and do a...”
1 tag
“Ever notice that history never recounts something great that happened in a...”
January 2012
53 posts
2 tags
“It’s noon and I have my coat on. I am not “joining your status...”
1 tag
New research shows Meetings Make You Dumber. I... →
‘You may joke about how committee meetings make you feel brain dead, but our findings suggest that they may make you act brain dead as well,’ Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2090588/Being-group-lowers-intelligence—especially-youre-woman.html#ixzz1l0BMdPnf
Of course it doesn’t help that the person calling the meeting is an idiot too.
Story found...
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“Google gave the answer in .29s, so what makes you think we can just lie to the...”
4 tags
“I’ve eaten more goodbye cake than birthday cake this month, but no,...”
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“What do I like best about the Pro Bowl? The fact that no one ever wastes time on...”
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“They call it a “conference room”, but it’s a lot like a...”
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“I was almost hit by a bus coming back from lunch. I can only imagine how my...”
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“I’d get a flu shot, but frankly the flu is better than most of my...”
– The only flaw in my plan is if I get sick on Saturday.
“How is it Friday at 4:30 and almost nothing got done all week? Oh, right, five...”
2 tags
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, though I’m sure some account guy...”
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“A group of lions is called a “pride”, a group of crows is called a...”
We’re in Day 7 of crisis over here and the account people still won’t admit that it was their decision to override the timeline and produce it in half the time and during Christmas that got us in this mess. I wonder what the record is?
3 tags
“The heat is broken in the conference room, leading to ice on the windows...”
– They work here too— they know.
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“The account director has perfect recall— she always remembers that she did...”
1 tag
“I hate being in the conference room with the glass walls. The looks of pity from...”
1 tag
3 lies in a single sentence! Don't tell my boss or... →
They say Mitt Romney managed to fit 3 lies into one sentence last night. I don’t know if that’s accurate, but if it is, it would be a remarkable feat.
I don’t know why the boss doesn’t like Romney, but now I’m thinking it might be jealousy.
2 tags
Rex Huppke on Sick Days →
Rex covers some recent developments in pushing for more paid sick time, as a health measure to keep germs from spreading. Sounds nice, in theory.
Of course in practice bosses like mine will spread rumors if you start to miss time— he’ll say you’re not committed to the job, etc. All part of setting you up so he can blame you the next time he screws up. Though if you do come in...
2 tags
“If you’re going to designate your office as the one with the candy dish,...”
– @thtchicmichelle (thatchicmichelle on Tumblr)
“Look, I know Joe Buck isn’t the best announcer, but we certainly...”
2 tags
MeetingBoy quoted in the Chicago Tribune →
Rex Huppke, workplace columnist, takes on meetings:
meetings gobble up time like ravenous tapeworms and often seem as productive as standing in soup [read the rest]
and ties it up with some quotes from me at the end, including to my most recent mission to End Status Meetings, a cause I hope you’ll all join me in.
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“Friday afternoon is like an intentional walk. Everyone in the office is just...”
– @flyoverJoel
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“Asked to review the conference report from the 8-hour meeting. I’d like to...”
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My Don't Ask Don't Tell (office version) post is... →
In the print edition I’m right next to Modern Family. In stores now. Awesome. Take a look.
And here’s the full post they are quoting from— Don’t Ask Me, and please, please, please stop telling me.
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“With Wikipedia down it’s Stupid Question Day all across American offices,...”
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“Oh, no! We can’t get to Wikipedia. Now how are we going to disprove all...”
“Paula Deen has diabetes and you’re surprised? Well, you are the person who...”
1 tag
“Don’t get me wrong— I’m glad to have the day off, but I think...”
In honor of MLK, here's my I Have A Dream (office... →
I have a dream that other people’s lack of planning isn’t my problem. I have a dream that your bad day doesn’t entitle you to ruin mine. I have a dream that your stupid cousin we had to hire can actually perform his job.
[Read the whole thing here]